Einstein once said, "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." Here you will find resources to shift the way you think - about yourself, others, and the challenges you face - opening up the door to new insights, opportunities, and solutions.
Mindful Life and Leadership Coaching
These services are available to individuals and organizations.
Brooke Wichmann, MA
Certified Life Coach
Free Audio Meditation
Difficult Emotions Mediation
What's Your Conflict Style?
Two people facing the same conflict will often respond in entirely different ways. A response that feels easy, practical, and effective for one person may prove to be quite challenging for another. Thomas, K.W., and R.H. Kilmann, creators of the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument, identified five primary conflict styles that people tend to use. Although we may vary the style we use depending on nature the conflict situation, most of us tend to fall back on one style that feels most comfortable - even if it's not particularly helpful. No one style is perfect. They are all helpful in some situations and unhelpful in others. Understanding the various conflict styles, your personal preference, and the pros and cons of each one can help you become more adaptive and effective at managing conflicts. Read on to learn about each conflict style!
Guest Post on Tiny Buddha
This week I am happy to have the opportunity to be a guest contributor on tiny buddha! More than a website tiny buddha is a living community of individuals coming together to learn and share practical wisdom. In the worlds of creator Lori Deschene "Tiny Buddha is about reflecting on simple wisdom and learning new ways to apply it to our complex lives—complete with responsibilities, struggles, dreams, and relationships. Over the last four years, Tiny Buddha has emerged as a leading resource for peace and happiness, with more than two million monthly readers."
It's an honor to be featured on this amazing site! Adding to my excitement is the fact that I got to write about my favorite topic: relationship conflict (I know - I'm kind of weird)! The article is called "The Most Powerful Way to Resolve Relationship Conflicts". It features insight I've gained through my relationship with my husband and a simple practice to help you gain increased clarity and strength to deal with conflict before you engage with the other person. I'd love if you would give it a read and let me know what you think. And while you're there, check out the many other amazing articles and resources tiny buddha has to offer!
What is Conflict Coaching?
Relationship conflicts (with co-workers, partners, friends, or family members) are an unavoidable part of life, and can cause a great deal of stress and anxiety. Even the most successful individuals often struggle to handle conflicts effectively, and poorly-managed disputes can lead to a variety of destructive consequences.
Conflict Coaching is designed to help you enhance your confidence and competence in managing conflicts. It is currently the fastest-growing form of dispute resolution.
Coaching is a structured series of powerful, one-on-one conversations where a trained coach assists clients in developing the knowledge, skills, and confidence to more effectively manage disputes. Coaching also enhances the client's overall conflict competence, so that they may engage in future conflicts more constructively. Learn more about how Conflict Coaching can help you.
So You're Upset. Who's "You", Exactly?
"All that a guru can tell you is: 'My dear Sir, you are quite mistaken about yourself. You are not the person you take yourself to be." - Nisargadatta Maharaj
Although we may not always be conscious of it, most of us spend considerable energy cultivating our own personal brand of “self.” We strive to see ourselves, and be seen by others, in a certain way. Our sense of identity typically comes from a combination of many different things. I might, for example, think of myself as a coach, meditator, introvert, wife, a good listener, etc.
The way others act towards us can help confirm and strengthen our sense of identity, or challenge it. If part of your identity is being "a hard worker" and your boss promotes you, you may feel your sense of self has been validated, and you'll likely experience positive feelings. however, you're boss gives you a poor performance review, you sense of self may feel threatened. As a result you may develop hostility toward the other person and experience conflict with them. The majority of conflicts that occur within workplaces and personal relationships are rooted in identity threats, and they can be extremely painful and destructive. Continue reading...
THe Gift of Relationship Conflict
“If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” - Ram Dass
Relationships can be among the best mirrors in which to see ourselves – sometimes unexpectedly. And when we experience conflict in close relationships, it can be extremely challenging and painful. However, if you approach relationship conflict consciously, with a willingness to do inner work, you can find tremendous opportunity for learning and growth.
Your state of mind influences your interpretation and response to your experiences. On same level, we all know this – everyone knows they'll act differently if they're in an unusually good or bad mood. Yet, during relationship conflict, it's easy to ignore the correlation between inner state and our reactions. When we're upset about something another person has done, it's common to see their behavior as the sole cause of our distress; if only they would be different in some way, then we would have peace.
With this perspective, all our efforts to manage conflict are externally oriented. We try to avoid the other person. We try to change their behavior. Perhaps we work on developing new communication strategies or conflict behaviors. But the intent remains the same - making the external situation different in some way.
We rarely look inward to see how we might be contributing to our suffering.
According to Buddhist philosophy, others' behavior may indeed cause us pain, but we experience far greater suffering from our own minds: how we perceive, interpret, internalize, and react to others' behavior.
I experienced the truth of this for myself recently, when my husband and I decided to do yard work this weekend... Continue reading.
You Don't have to "Uncouple" to be Conscious
Gwyneth Paltrow is getting a divorce, and at first I couldn't be happier. Actually, wait, no - that sounds terrible. Let's start over.
According to her website, she and Chris Martin are going through a “Conscious Uncoupling,” which focuses on taking responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings, and reactions as they end their marriage. It requires letting go of blame. It asks them to see that “every irritation and argument was a signal to look inside ourselves and identify a negative internal object that needed healing.”
While the dissolution of a union is a sad affair, I was really excited that these “Conscious” ideas were getting mass promotion with Hollywood star power. I know some people view the concept of “Conscious Uncoupling” as pretentious and new-agey. However, as a culture we tend to blame, attack, and avoid those we have challenges with; I was glad to see two influential individuals attempting to use one of most challenging times in a relationship to cultivate compassion, understanding, and personal growth.
Yet, after some reflection, I found it somewhat bizarre that the concept of “being conscious” was being used solely in regards to the ending of a relationship. It's great that couples are being urged to be more conscious during divorce or separation, but why start only after things are irreparable? Continue reading...